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Mistakes are often treated as proof that someone is not ready, talented or capable. In reality, they may be among the most useful tools for building confidence and reaching difficult goals.
Pilates instructor Alycea Ungaro captured that idea during an on-demand workout: Mistakes are valuable because they reveal where weaknesses lie. That perspective sharply contrasts with the message many students receive from teachers and coaches—that errors should simply be avoided.
Expecting people to make no mistakes is impossible. It also overlooks the process through which growth usually happens: try, fall short, adjust and try again. Working through that cycle can produce both success and the confidence needed to tackle the next challenge.
Four Sources of Confidence
Psychologist Albert Bandura introduced the concept of self-efficacy, meaning a person’s belief in their ability to accomplish a particular goal. Although researchers sometimes distinguish self-efficacy from confidence, both can be understood as beliefs tied to a specific task or situation.
Bandura identified four major ways people develop that belief.
The most powerful is through “mastery experiences.” Confidence grows when someone initially struggles with a difficult task, persists through setbacks and eventually succeeds.
Easy victories may provide a quick boost, but they do little to teach resilience. A person accustomed to immediate success may become discouraged when progress requires more time and effort. Struggling toward mastery instead demonstrates that disappointment and failure can be overcome.
A second source is what Bandura called “vicarious experiences”—seeing someone similar to you succeed.
Watching elite swimmer Gretchen Walsh perform the butterfly stroke might inspire admiration or temporary motivation. But observing fellow members of a local U.S. Masters Swimming team improve through regular practice can do more to build personal confidence. Their similarities make the path toward improvement easier to imagine.
The third source is encouragement from a credible person. Praise matters most when it comes from someone who understands both the individual and the task.
A swimming coach’s assurance that an athlete can improve the butterfly carries weight because the coach knows the swimmer and the stroke. Encouragement from loving family members may feel good, but it is less likely to survive repeated setbacks if they lack relevant expertise. That helps explain why trusted teachers, coaches and mentors can be so influential.
The fourth source involves physiological states—the physical sensations that accompany emotions, moods and thoughts.
A racing heart, sweating palms and rapid breathing can be interpreted as evidence of anxiety and doubt. The same sensations can also be viewed as the body preparing to meet a challenge. How people understand those signals can affect how capable they feel.
Coaching, therapy and other forms of instruction can help people notice, name and reframe these responses. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, is one approach that can help change unhelpful patterns of thinking.
Turning Setbacks Into Useful Information
Attention plays a major role in confidence. Focusing exclusively on mistakes and responding with negative self-talk can create negative emotions, pessimistic predictions and further doubt.
A more constructive approach is to concentrate on the next manageable step, remember past setbacks that were overcome, identify trusted sources of support and separate controllable factors from those that cannot be changed.
That approach can be especially helpful when setting New Year’s goals. Someone returning to a resolution they previously abandoned may begin with reduced confidence. But the earlier attempt also supplied valuable information about where the plan broke down.
Rather than concluding that motivation or willpower is weak, it helps to be specific. Does resolve fade around certain people, at a particular time of day or in a particular environment? Does it weaken at work, at home, in restaurants or during a commute past a favorite drive-through?
Those details point toward adjustments that broad self-criticism cannot provide.
Small steps can create “micro-mastery moments.” Past experience can reveal where support is needed, while people facing similar challenges can offer realistic examples of progress. A trusted expert can provide guidance and credible encouragement.
When frustration, anxiety or exhaustion appears, pause and identify the specific feeling. Consider what prompted it—a comparison, another person, the surrounding environment, fatigue or hunger. Then ask whether the accompanying thoughts are accurate or helpful and whether the physical sensations could be understood differently.
Psychologist Kelly McGonigal explores this kind of reframing in her TED Talk, “How to Make Stress Your Friend,” which presents stress responses as signs that the mind and body are rallying to meet a demand.
Many people can remember a peer, teacher, coach or boss who made failure seem shameful and caused them to question their intelligence, strength or talent. Bandura’s work offers a different conclusion: mistakes do not automatically demonstrate inability. When examined, adjusted for and overcome, they can become the foundation of lasting confidence.